Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I have a problem

I am the problem.
I recently was involved in an altercation with a contemporary.
The altercation sparked with an allegation which was not even that bad, now that I think about it. Which is why I am here- to think about it and calm the rushing waters that have caused such turbulence with in my soul.
I was accused of telling a friend that this contemporary performed poorly. Which they did. This is also the reason I determined I would not tell anyone of the situation.
When I was accused of releasing this sensitive information, everyone has an ego, I was appalled.
"He told me you told him I did bad."
"Are you pulling my leg?! I did not tell him that, I saw him Sunday and you were not what we talked about!"
"He really told me that you said that."
So I text this third party person. No answer has thus been concluded, except that I did not tell him about this recent defeat of the contemporary.
I, however, was livid.
Apparently monsieur was as well. I can understand to a degree. I suppose I would be upset to learn that someone was talking about me. Except, not at all, because people will talk and I am realistic and do not expect anything more from them. I suppose I would be upset if someone told someone else I did poorly. Yeah, nope, not at all either, if I did poorly then I can own that fact. If, however, I performed well and someone was lying about, then I would be livid.
"You're just mad because you came over my house and no one was there."
"You're a bword... I liked how you tried to use the fact that you ditched me against me."
First of all, when someone who is in full knowledge of the fact that I have someplace to be at 11:00 p.m., invites you over my house, without asking me, maybe you should rethink what constitutes a ditching. Sorry I had no intention of changing my plans for someone I didn't even invite over.
Secondly, ask absolutely anyone who has come in contact with me whether or not they would agree that I am bitch. I would be surprised if you found one person to agree with you. I keep my slate clean and I am not ashamed of what I do. I own my actions, my accomplishments, and my failures.
It must suck to be such a bitter person always looking for a reason to mess up someone else's day.

What an awful attitude I had. Despite my feelings toward the situation (which is reminding me of all those messages I have heard on not listening to our feelings but to lean on truth) I decided I was going to be the bigger "man" and apologize. And I did, and things are fine. There isn't a feeling quite the same as humbling yourself before someone else.
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