What Are You "Hmm-ing" About?

I am writing my paper for Research Writing on Aid in Africa. A rough draft is due today. I am loving my introduction right now:

"Barely paved roads, pot holes the size of a car, the smell of burning trash perpetually lingering in the air, shoeless, dirty children begging for change, this image is a daily occurrence in most third world countries, such as the African country, Mozambique. It is among the fifty poorest countries in the world (World’s 50 Poorest Countries). During the two weeks I spend in Mozambique of April 2009, I saw children walking miles, carrying their younger siblings on their backs, for a measly bowl of porridge. There were children and adults rummaging through dumpsters for any salvageable item. Mountains of trash littered the sides of roads and cluttered waterways. Stick shacks lined the streets. These images cause one to wonder: where does the aid go? "

I am sure, like most things, it needs work. But it is much more personal and inviting than my former statistics laden introduction.